Death Is No Easy Answer

Uncle Chairman, where do we go when we die?

Well kinder,

...that's a question that's on our minds a lot these days. What with all the rampant terrorism, sniperism, smokaholism, etc. there are more ways to die now than ever before. Death is all around waiting to claim us - in the air, at the gas pump, even in our mail. What can we as individuals do to protect ourselves? Nothing. Not a damn thing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. You are going to die. No question. So, with that out of the way, what happens after we die? Nobody knows. I don't know; you don't know... and no, John Edwards does not know, neither does the creepy kid from the Sixth Sense. Lots of people say they know, but they don't. You can read about it, but it's all speculation. I don't believe a word of it. Hell, I've experienced plenty of weird stuff - poltergeists, being chased by freaky lights in the night sky, unexplained blackouts (well, maybe alcohol can explain those,) but I still don't think I know anything about the afterlife. Those people who've returned from the brink, you know, "turning away from the light" and all that, chalk that up to traumatic stress, delusional fantasy, whatever.

In light of all my skepticism, you might think I'm an atheist (like a good communist.) I'm not. I just don't believe anyone knows. While there's no empirical evidence to prove the existence of an afterlife, there's also nothing to disprove it. That may be illogical, but so what? Sue me. I have a choice; I can believe that physical death is the end and extinguishes everything about us, or I can believe that something about us (spirit, soul, what-have-you) survives and continues to exist. I hope that's true, so that's what I choose to believe.

That said, I'm certainly in no hurry to test the theory. I'm perfectly content to wait and see. I've long let it be known that in the event of catastrophic illness or accident, I expect heroic measures to be taken to keep me alive. Don't pull my plug, just prop me up in front of the TV; I'll be fine. If there's a lot of pain involved, I'm confident modern science can dope me into oblivion, just not the permanent kind. Does that sound cowardly? Do I care? Actually, if I could choose the method of my demise, I think something ghastly would be fun. I mean, hey, if it's going to be my last physical sensation it should be spectacular, don't you think? Perhaps, being eaten alive by sharks or tigers or anything nasty. I'll never forget it, at least for a few seconds.

I hear you people out there going "why the hell wouldn't you wish for death by sex?" Being pleasured by a harem of nubile, young lovelies sounds nice, but honestly, I want to try something I haven't done before. You know how all you women are always complaining that sex is over-rated? News Flash: Guys feel the same way. Unless you're Sting, I suppose. You know with all that Tantric sex stuff. Sounds like a lot of work if you ask me. Does Mrs. Sting refer to sex as 'getting stung?' Just wondering.

Hasta la victoria siempre,

TVD

--- 10/21/02

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