Dr. StrangeBush: or how I learned to stop worrying and love the war in Iraq.

Welcome Comrades,

At first, I was against the impending war with Iraq. I had a typical, knee-jerk, liberal reaction. Those warhawk Republicans are at it again, I thought. Of course, historically, it's the Democrats who get us involved in foreign wars, but there's something about those Bush's... My father, the sometime Pastor and English teacher, came out strongly against the first war with Iraq. He even did a TV editorial. He thought blood for oil was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard, and believe me, he was a conservative. However, he was a traditional conservative like Pat Buchanan, one who believes in less government and less foreign involvement. Buchanan has come out against the current plan to topple Hussein, and challenged the Republicans to come out of the conservative closet and be true to their roots. What's with our political parties these days? Business-friendly, anti-union Democrats and tax-and-spend Republicans? It's very confusing. No wonder people stay home in droves on Election Day.

So, back to the war. Bush has not made his case to the American people. That's obvious. Apparently, he has also failed to make his case to Congress, where they presumably (or regrettably) have access to more information than we do. So what's a poor President with an agenda to do? Well, I'm here to help.

Watching the whole thing unravel, I thought, "why the hell are we bothering with Iraq?" Two of the 9/11 terrorists came from Egypt and fifteen came from Saudi Arabia. These are two of our staunchest "allies" in the Middle East, besides Israel. How many came from Iraq? Zero. How many from Afghanistan? Zero. Our real problem is the radical, militant brand of Islam funded and exported from Saudi Arabia. "Why aren't we pre-emptively invading Saudi Arabia?" Then, it hit me. What better place to launch an invasion of Saudi Arabia than the country that it shares its longest border with, Iraq? Duh. Of course, no one in the Bush administration can actually admit that, or there'll be absolutely no support from anybody. At least with Saddam Hussein we have a credible villain. It's justifiable, and once we get our heavy-handed mitts on the region, just try and get rid of us! We'll be the liberators of Afghanistan and Iraq! Of course, once the people of the Middle East see how great democracy really is, they'll fall in line. Look at what a positive influence Israel has been. Then again, a democracy with religious restrictions could be misconstrued as something else. Let's see, political offices reserved for members of the cultural majority, compulsory military service, segregation of minorities... what do you call that again? Oh, that's right, Fascism!

All right, all right, I'm off the subject again. I just wanted to explain the true mission behind the war. Iraq is just the first step for the glorious freedom-fighters of the Bush administration. So, for all those patriots out there worried that Iraq isn't much of an enemy (judging by the last war, all rhetoric aside,) I say, "take heart!" There's going to be plenty of war for years to come. What was the longest war in American history? Vietnam. You remember how well that turned out.

Hasta la victoria siempre,

TVD

--- 10/07/02

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